MANDAUE HEALTH CARD

After a month since my first post, I'd like to thank my followers..i mean..follower..(my sole, one and only fan-my ever faithful to my insanity..my fluffy girlfriend yapi).

Yes, after 3 years in the same building, I am finally calling it quits. Haven't quite prepared for a goodbye email to everyone but hey,-it will come people..prepare

Just a few hours ago, I was trying to complete my requirements for a new job..its requirement number 6., a Mandaue Health Card. It's like an HIV card in Africa or a Malaria badge in the Amazon, but heck..their rules, not mine. I was contemplating what the health card would be for, is it just another localized way of making me pay the local government or is it an ID that comes with a series of shots to avoid "Only in mandaue illnesses" such as getting run over by a 10 wheeler truck, or getting yourself lost in the mazes of dusty factories in the community.


So there I was..standing in line with the security guards and other would be employees, Xray tucked to my shoulder and the poop test results I took a week before.
During my turn, I faced MANANG SECRETARY 1,( i felt that my chances of getting scolded by manang sec would be 95% due to her "I'm an underpaid teacher look") aged, bitter and with a small ice box on her side -probably ice candy) business minded..after asking for my XRAY and looking at me from head to foot with a disgust in her face, she uttered: "33 PESOS.." I gave her the money and she said, "proceed to room 12, 2nd floor.." being the gentleman that I am, I thanked her and asked, "can I get the receipt?" and she snorted "Naa sa plastik!! Naunsa man ka oi!!"...and so toink to me.. and yet, since I was being nice, I thanked her again. But before I could step away, she said: "would you like an ice candy?" "5 pesos ra.."...so it was true, the small ice bucket beside her are frozen delights...The heat was unbearable and manang's ice candy would be a treat, but i dare not do another transaction...manang scares the crap out of me..

After the encounter, I went 2 plights of stairs to room 12, 2nd floor where another woman, younger this time asked for manangs' receipt and gave me the elusive mandaue health card. It was a blank card so I figured I have to manually write the info on the card..but she said :"proceed to room 2" and I asked..."is that downstairs?.. and she said "NO, its on the other building...

"So there I was again, XRAY and blank card tucked in. When I reached bldg 2, I went to room 2, a room manned by 6 dad type guys with old school typewriters. One guy asked for my card and asked for my name..age...and asked where in mandaue do I live in, I said H. Cortes st., And he asked, what barangay is that?...and I mumbled ..."Seriously?..wtf!" You work in the city hall and you don't know..but hey, daddy types are like that...they seem to forget..so after a brief chat with daddy-man, he told me to proceed back to the other building to have it signed off....

and I said silently since my sarcasm can get me killed.."really? back again to 2 plights of stairs?"

But anyway, as again-their rules, not mine. As I was dragging my fat ass back to the building where manang secretary dwells with her ice candy, I saw a cute biological pattern as I watched all the people from my first line go back and forth from the buildings, we were like ants on a mission for our queen ant..unfortunately, unlike the ants, I don't get to get laid with the queen...I just walk back in forth.

I ran 2 stairs up and headed to room 11, where 2 women told me to go inside the city health doctors office. It was the largest and only Air conditioned room in the building and sitting on a high pedestal was the Doktora, or if I might say, "empress.MD." .since her office looked like a palace and her tight cheeks can conquer nations.

I handed her my card and she signed it without even looking at me..scary..and before I could say thank you dok...she said.."You're done!"

And so after almost 2 hours in line, manang and daddy-man and countless secretaries, I was finished...the climbing of stairs, the hiding from manang, the hot walks across buildings did make me believe that the Xray and stool test are not proof of your health..it was getting through the whole process that was a true test of health..

Goodluck to all my fellow citizens in mandaue.